Dear, Me

You have been through so much. I don’t even know how you are still standing or smiling. How do you still have the will to keep going? I know sometimes you have your doubts, but you haven’t given up, not even once.

I’m proud of you, though. You’re doing what we once thought was unthinkable. You survived! Remember when we were kids, living in that home with those people, always feeling less than, always feeling like the end was near—not the kind of end that would get us here, but the kind of end where we couldn’t see past 18 years old? Do you remember staying up all night, sometimes begging God or anyone who would listen to give you just a drop of peace? I do. I think about it a lot.

Despite the challenges and the time it took, you found a way to breathe again. You have survived so much.

We always knew we had no choice but to survive, though; we have siblings looking up to us for strength and guidance. We could never allow ourselves to sink too low, because that would allow them to sink, too.

You did everything you said you wanted to do, though. You’re back in CA and finally learning how to love yourself, how to make yourself happy. You’re learning the reality of what working for what you deserve means.

You still have so much to learn and many goals to achieve, but I think if we have learned anything in this life, it’s that no one can get in the way of what you want. You always find a way to make it happen. I just wish you would believe in yourself more and see how much you have accomplished and survived—how strong you really are and what you’re capable of.

I have a feeling this year will be one of the most magical years for us. I can’t wait. Now it’s our time to live our lives and not just survive it. I have so much hope for you; I know you’re destined for great things. We didn’t go through it all just to be average.

Just keep loving yourself, keep choosing you, keep being bright and loving because we both know the world needs more people with hearts like yours. Most importantly, don’t forget God is who got you here, and He will get you to where you are going. Don’t let go of Him.