Dear, VH

I will always remember you.

I will always remember how small you made me feel. I remember your words being so sharp; I still have the scars. I remember your eyes and the emptiness inside them.

I remember how scared everyone was of you. Not sure what move you were going to make next or who your next victim would be. I remember the air changing in every room you walked into, almost like the oxygen was turned off.

I remember the night he was arrested. I held you and told you everything happens for a reason. I wiped your tears away and calmed your nerves. I was 12; you were 40. I never remember you doing the same.

I remember the messages you had me send to her and the lies you fed me. I remember your mind games and the seeds of doubt you planted in my young mind. I remember the harshness in your tone when you saw someone get in your way. I remember watching the kids fear you. I remember being the kid who feared you.

I remember studying you, admiring you, unsure why I was so fascinated by your strong will and demanding personality. I remember thinking I wanted to be just like you.

I remember the late nights cooking for the holidays. I remember our cleaning days when the whole house would join in. I remember hearing your laugh and your jokes. I remember the shopping trips and the family parties.

I remember everything.

Without your memories and scars, without the fear and intimidation, I could have been just like you. I could have been cold and deceitful like you. I could demand respect like you and also be feared like you.

These memories once haunted my mind. They left no room for anything else. Now, they have turned into the fuel that keeps my fire going. Because despite all the memories you gave me, I am kind and honest. I have a heart that is unmatched. You used to say it was my biggest weakness; I say it’s my greatest power.

Thank God I remember everything.